A Menu for the Meghan/Harry/Oprah Interview

I don’t even mess with the Royal Family like this, normally, but like most people who love gossip, family drama, and pretty people I am very excited for this Oprah interview. I am sure the actual interview will be very boring, full of vague references to trauma and that the word toxic will be uttered about 10-20 times, but I will still watch—at least until I get bored and continue my re-watch of Summer House.

Anyways, I very much wish I had a menu to go along with this and I began thinking up dishes (please forgive me for linking to my own Twitter. If it wasn’t clear from the headline, this is going to be a supremely goofy post and I’m showing my whole ass here). But faffing about on Twitter was not enough! Below are some of my plans for what to eat while watching this television event. My own homage to the Tig, if you will.

1. Eton Mess Spiked with JP Wisper’s Blended Whiskey

   I think this could be quite nice, if you spiked the cream with a heavy hand and made it almost curdle. It would also ensure you only eat half a serving of Eton Mess, instead of three, which is easy to do because it’s literally just a pile of sweet shit on a plate. At least, that is my experience.

2. Pimm’s Cup with Jalapeno rubbed around the rim of the glass

   Which, I’m guessing, sounds good as I type it but would actually be slightly painful to drink.

3. Soft Boiled Egg with Soldiers and Maple Syrup

   This sounds disgusting to me, as I hate soft boiled eggs and I really do not like the combination of egg and syrup, but it is in keeping with the theme.

4. Kraft Dinner Sprinkled with Keltic Gold Cheese

   I like this cheese, it is ok. I used to get it a lot when I was on cheese wrapping duty at the Park Slope Co-op, a job I was not very good at but that I would claim because it allowed you to mostly sit on a stool.

5. Jammie Dodgers with a Bag of Milk

   To be honest, most of these incredibly mild Canadian jokes are coming from “Wheels on Ontario”, Nick Kroll’s very funny, very stupid spoof of Degrassi that he made like 10 years ago.

   Anyways, these are my suggestions. I will probably order in fish and chips from the pseudo-hipster bar two towns over and make sweet tea tomorrow because it is sunny and almost close to warm weather again.